Adopting a homeless pet from the nuclear meltdown in Japan seemed like a good idea when I was on acid in the Orient. Jumpcut to now and (gulp) Julio glows in the dark like a fat little Mexican nite-lite.
Back from Operation: Cat Scratch Fever in the oily states. While I spend the next 2 weeks steam cleaning oil out my cats, enjoy ‘It Ain’t My Fault’ with Mos Def, Lenny Kravitz, Tim Robbins & Trombone Shorty and donate to Gulf Aid.org.
Worried your godless house cat will roam the earth indigent after you get sucked up by The Rapture? Worry no more!
Sammy Hagar reading Penthouse Forum? Boring. David Lee Roth reading a kittens book? AWESOME. (VIDEO) http://vimeo.com/3195759
While a nation solemnly cleans pelicans, President Obama inspires the oily by coming out with a BP rap video that surprisingly (almost suspiciously) doesn’t include the ebonical phraseology ‘Whoomp, there it is!” Check out this diddy from O Daddy, ‘So I Know Who’s Ass To Kick,’ then go knock over a BP station high on false indignation. Tell em Bender sent you and get 10% off every BP purchase.
What are they gonna say, that he was a kind man?
That he was a wise man? That he had plans man,
he had wisdom, bullshit! Am I gonna be the one
who’s gonna set him straight? Look at me, WRONG.
‘That cockamamie cat…’ Woke up with pants on forehead again - the following comedy routine ensued. All you dog lovers who think cat people are pussies can suck the furry tail - real men never use alarm clocks.
‘Woke up under the credenza’ - 12 cats on head, this video playing on repeat, all standard fare round these parts but this time I dreamt I was in Avatar and Rue McClanahan was my blue cat bitch from the planet sexy. Sadly when I came to one of my cats was quietly humping my ear… I’m never drinking Absinthe before running on the treadmill again.
My name is Will Bender and I’m an alcoholic and drug addict. I have been sober for 10 minutes…I am not a well man… I love cats.
Julio (my video biographer) says we spent Easter mushroom picking in Boulder with these two granola huffing yahoos. I have no recollection of any of it (natch) but they drove 1500 miles to come see me, so I just laughed & slammed the door in their face, that rude? You bet it was - Now I see they’re sleeping in their VW Van outside my house… Stoned hippies, can’t believe my dark side consorts with you. I’ll give em an hour before Julio calls the - What’s that Julio? You made them shrimp salad sandwiches??
I was the typical tight-ass-born-again go-getter until I met one man who turned my life around… Now thanks to ‘Will Bender’s 12 Step Program To Spiritual Enlightenment,’ I got the spiritual kick in the head I needed - quit my shit job, filed for divorce and am currently on vaco with my bisexual lover where we’re having lots of dangerous sex with 3rd world revolutionaries — Thanks WILL BENDER!! Don’t stop believin!
– Debra Shelton, former producer of WB turned fugitiveWhen I’m not running from the law I love to give my cats a massage. Want to massage your cat like a pro? Check out this helpful video.
About me
Hurl into the heart of darkness with WILL BENDER, a blackout prone cat philanthropist who falls off the wagon and doesn't get up, he gets down.
